Communicating with your partner can be difficult during a separation or divorce.

Generally, however, the ‘angrier’ the process, the higher the cost and the longer it will take. That’s why all the experts in our network — from lawyers to accountants — believe in de-escalation.

As Lawyer Anna Cruckshank says, communication is ‘the number one element that drives whether a separation is dealt with in a sensible way that gets the best outcome for the parties or whether it goes off the rails.’

So, how can you communicate more effectively? Below are some tips to help you navigate this process.

But before we start… your safety is paramount. If you are concerned about your partner’s potential reaction during and after a conversation, seek professional help first.

Have a plan for how the issue of separation or divorce is raised.

The bottom line is that it’s a difficult conversation to have. Think about how you and your partner want to be communicated with and what support you need after the discussion.

If you have children, put their interests first.

That means both parents are modelling good behaviour by being respectful, calm and positive about each other. How should you discuss a separation with your kids? We chat with a senior psychologist in this podcast.

Consider using a co-parenting app to streamline schedules as keep all your communications in one place.

Meet in public places.

This could help you both control emotions and maintain an amicable conversation.

Try to keep an open mind.

When you’re having a conversation, actively listen to your partner’s concerns and thoughts. That means asking questions rather than making judgements. Davide Di Pietro, Clinical Social Worker at the Resilience Centre Family Clinic, explains that receptive thinking ‘can really turn things around, even in cases where there has been high conflict in the past.’

Be willing to hear ‘no.’

It is reasonable to expect you will not agree on everything during the separation. This long process requires a lot of negotiation to reach a fair and equitable agreement. ‘Maintaining an element of respect for each other’ and a realistic understanding can help you move forward, says Anna Cruckshank, Managing Director at Aubrey Brown.

Think before you respond.

Avoid responding to messages or emails when you’re emotional because this may push you into an escalation cycle. And in a legal sense, when matters escalate, they tend to cost time, money and stress.

Look after yourself.

Take care of your mental health and if you need to speak with someone independent, reach out to a counsellor or psychologist in your area. We can help connect you with experts in our network — contact us for their details.

Find someone to communicate for you.

If respectful communication with your former partner is impossible, use a representative to communicate for you. Depending on the stage you are at, this could be a trusted family member, friend, Mediator or Lawyer.

Key takeaways

• • Avoid emotional responses to prevent escalation and additional costs.
  • Take care of your mental health and seek support if needed.
    
  • Use a representative if direct communication with your ex is impossible.
  • Plan how to discuss separation and what support you’ll need.
  • Model good behaviour by being respectful and calm around children.
  • Consider using a co-parenting app to communicate with your former partner.
  • Meeting in public can help maintain amicable conversations.
  • Actively listen and ask questions instead of making judgments.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or well-being needs.

If COVID-19 has impacted your relationship — you’re not alone.

In Victoria, we’ve seen an ‘85% increase in people wanting to speak to either a marriage counsellor or a psychologist,’ our Co-founder Angela Harbinson told Channel 9.

The Separation Guide has brought together a network of specialists who can guide you through the entire separation and divorce process.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

The unfortunate by-product of COVID-19

Divorce rates are on the rise in the US, UK and China during COVID-19.

Australia looks to be no different. We’ve seen a 120% increase in couples seeking separation advice since lockdown started.

There are early signs that COVID-19 is driving couples to separate and divorce in Australia.

In fact, we’ve seen a staggering surge in demand at The Separation Guide.

Our services are now 100% online to meet this need during isolation.

With access to the Family Court limited during COVID-19, we spoke with Channel 7 about alternative ways couples can separate.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

When it comes to separating well, it truly is a team effort.

While the legal side of divorce and separation is often the focus, there are many other aspects to be considered: your emotional health, understanding your current financial landscape as well as planning for your future.

The Separation Guide has brought together a network of experts — so that we can truly guide couples through the entire process.

Here’s an explanation of who does what, and how they can help:

When do I need an accountant?

Perhaps one of the first steps in your separation journey, an accountant will help establish the monetary value of assets and income streams in the relationship. This work is essential to properly understand your financial landscape and to enable the division of assets at settlement.

Some assets are easier to value than others. Money in the bank or shares is usually fairly straightforward while evaluating the market worth of a property or business is more complex.

Can help when: You need to get a complete picture of all the assets and income streams of your relationship.

Works with: Both people generally — as they’re dealing with facts and figures so it’s easier to remain impartial. However, accountants will usually recommend each party seek independent financial advice, especially if there’s mistrust.

> Podcast: The cost of conflict — an accountant’s perspective on separation

When do I need a financial advisor?

A financial advisor is part financial guru, part life coach. They can help someone understand their immediate financial circumstances — and also work on a plan for their future.

That means understanding ‘what is important to them in their life and where they want to head’, says Steve Fort, a Senior Financial Advisor at Invest Blue.

A financial advisor is particularly important where there are complex financial structures involved in the relationship (eg. a business, trust, self-managed superfund or inheritance).

Can help when: You want to get your financial house in order — and start planning for a secure financial future

Works with: Individuals; each person can choose to have their own financial advisor.

> Podcast: Planning your finances after separation and divorce

When do I need a relationship counsellor?

Depending on when they’re brought in, relationship counsellors will work with couples to either help work on issues in a relationship or create open lines of communication to enable a fair and equitable separation.

If you and your ex-partner are struggling to communicate, a Mediator or Lawyer might recommend you engage a counsellor or psychologist before negotiating a settlement or co-parenting approach.

Can help when: Disagreements and past issues are getting in the way of reaching an outcome — or your ability to co-parent.

Works with: Both people in a couple.

When do I need a Mediator?

A Mediator is an impartial professional who helps both people get a fair deal in a separation.

They are there to facilitate difficult conversations — but the couple stays in control and makes all the decisions.

At The Separation Guide, we use our own process: Guided Separation. Our Mediators are all legally qualified. This means they can answer your questions about family law and suggest a range of fair and equitable outcomes.

A Mediator works with: Both people. A Mediator is impartial and on the side of a fair outcome. They can work with you both to draft your separation agreement.

Will you also need a Family Lawyer? It depends. Where there’s less goodwill and trust, but a couple wants to stay out of Court, they can choose to have a Mediator but negotiate through their own Lawyers.

When do I need a psychologist?

Separation is an incredibly tough time.

You might feel the need for some additional support to keep your mental health on track — or perhaps a professional in your separation team will observe that you’re struggling and suggest getting help.

Can help when: You want strategies to help you cope through separation — and prepare for the future.

Works with: Individuals; each person can choose to have their own psychologist

> Podcast: A clinical psychologist on how to separate well

When do I need a Family Lawyer?

A Family Lawyer’s key role is to advocate for an individual.

This can be necessary where communication has broken down, there’s mistrust in the relationship or each partner wants their own separate advice. A Family Lawyer might also be referred to as a Family Law Solicitor.

The good news is, with the right information and guidance, we’ve found that typically, around 98% of couples can avoid Court.

The Lawyers in our network have signed our Ethical Charter — this means they regard Court as a last resort.

A Family Law Solicitor can help when:

• • You need your own advocate for either Mediation or to go to Court.
  • You need someone to convert your separation agreement into Consent Order applications for the Court.

When do I need a Barrister?

A Barrister is an advocate in the Courtroom.

They will take a brief from your Family Lawyer (solicitor) and represent your case to the Judge.

The Judge will then decide on the outcome. This can be a costly but sometimes necessary path. It can take at least 12-18 months to just get your time in Court.

Can help when: You need someone to present your case in the Courtroom.

When do I need an immigration advisor?

Relationships might be between individuals — but they’re often across countries too.

Where one partner’s Australian work or residency status is tied to the relationship, an immigration advisor will often be brought to determine their best options, especially if they want to stay in Australia or there are children involved.

Can help when: There are complications due to visa status.

Works with: Couples who are in Australia on spousal visas

When do I need a property Consultants?

Australians love property — which can leave a giant tangle to be unwound in separation.

A property consultant can help you determine the best path for your primary residence or investment property and look at the market value of the property then discuss options for selling, renting or transferring ownership of the asset.

Can help when: You have a house or investment property and want to know the smartest way to deal with the asset.

Works with: Individuals or the couple.

Want to join The Separation Guide’s network of advisors? Find out more here.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being supports.

When choosing the best way to separate, it’s common for partners to push for different things.

Perhaps you’d like to use The Separation Guide process but your partner isn’t convinced. They might be worried that a choice suggested by you will work against them.

We often hear this story: “I suggested we try The Separation Guide, but because I was the one who suggested they were a bit suspicious. They wondered if I knew someone there who would take my side over theirs.”

Why The Separation Guide is for both of you

Working towards a fair and equitable outcome for both partners is at the core of what we do — as well as aiming to avoid escalation and keep costs down for everyone.

Because The Separation Guide is exactly that – a guide. It guides both couples and individuals to:

• a better understanding of what they need
• the right process for them
• the right providers for them.

Our process is designed so that you can choose to engage with our network of experts together or separately.

• You can take the 3-minute online Q&A together or separately
• You can book a complimentary initial consultation with a Separation Guide expert together or separately
• If your separation requires Lawyers, we will recommend different accredited members from The Separation Guide’s Network so there’s no conflict of interest.

We suggest both partners take advantage of our free resource hub as an entry point to understand what we do and how separation works.

Be on equal footing in separation

By taking our 3-minute online Q&A, your partner can access tailored separation recommendations and a free 30-minute consultation to help them decide if the approach is right for them too.

So, when the question is asked:
Why should I trust the service you have selected?

The answer is:
Check out the site and do the Q&A. It’s all about both of us getting a fair deal.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.