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Starting over – A guide to post-separation finances

Life post-separation can be difficult to navigate. There’s a lot to grapple with, practically and emotionally. Even if the split is positive for you, all the change can still be unsettling. Rebuilding your finances can seem a long way off as you get through the day-to-day. But here’s the thing – taking control of your money can actually be a lifeline and a way to steady your footing.

This blog explores how understanding your financial landscape, building a budget that works for you, and finding resources to guide you can give you some mental space to focus on rebuilding other parts of your life.

Find your legal and financial guides

Don’t go it alone. Splitting finances with your ex and structuring your assets afterwards is complex. Seek the help of a family lawyer and a financial coach or advisor. Their guidance can be invaluable in making informed financial decisions. Without professional advice, you don’t know what you don’t know. Don’t lose out on a fair split by trying to do it all yourself.

Get the support you need

Take our Q&A to get your own tailored Support Hub and recommendation to trusted professionals to support all your financial needs.

Get my personal Support Hub

Understand your financial landscape

Before diving into budgeting, take stock of your current financial situation. Assess your assets, liabilities, and sources of income. Speak to Services Australia about any benefits or concessions you may be eligible for in your new circumstances that can boost your income. Understanding your financial landscape provides a solid foundation for effective budgeting.

Create a post-separation budget

Next, a budget becomes your map – it’s so important to know where your money is going and to have a good idea of your short and long-term financial position. List your needs first – housing, food, bills, childcare and healthcare. Then, add in what matters to you – hobbies, spending time with loved ones, pursuing a dream. It doesn’t have to be perfect – it’s not set in stone. You’ll adjust this map as you go.

Plan for the unexpected 

Life is unpredictable – separation has already shown you that that. A contingency fund is an essential part of any budget. Set aside some money for unexpected expenses to ensure that you’re prepared for any financial curveballs.

Long-term financial security

A sustainable financial plan accounts for your lasting security. Even if it seems like retirement is a long way off, look beyond your immediate future and consider retirement and other long-term financial goals.

Face your debts

Address your existing debts and formulate a repayment plan. A common pitfall in managing post-separation debts is the trap of piling on more credit. You can chip away at this mountain, one step at a time. Work out a plan and prioritise high-interest debts first.

Adapting to your single circumstances

Life after separation means saying goodbye to some things and hello to others, often requiring adjustments to your lifestyle and spending habits. You might find joy in simpler pleasures, discover new ways to save, and learn to appreciate the little things. Remember, it’s not about deprivation, but about finding what truly matters to you.

The needs of your family

If you have children, their needs become part of your map. Talk to your co-parent, share the journey, and make sure the kids’ wellbeing is always at the forefront. Reach out to [Child Support Consultants] for a chat if you need guidance on how to assess and manage your payments.

Explore employment opportunities

Lots of people change more than their partner when they separate. It’s a time to reassess other things too, like your career  Maybe you’ll re-enter the workforce, embrace a promotion opportunity you have forgone in the past, or find a passion you never knew existed. And a new role could support you in rebuilding your finances sooner.

Take care of your wellbeing

This is a tough one – being stressed affects our ability to make rational decisions. Unfortunately, separation is one of the most stressful situations a person can experience. Worrying about your situation and your financial position can have you in fight-or-flight mode, which really effects how you make your financial decisions.

Research shows that even taking a few seconds to think about your long-term goals before making a financial decision can help counteract stress’s negative effects. And if you focus on the big picture and your longer-term financial goals, you’re more likely to feel in control of your life and finances, have a written budget, and resist impulsive spending and decisions.

Manage stress during financial planning by incorporating self-care practices into your routine. And reach out to a financial coach, separation coach, counsellor or psychologist to help with your financial and mental wellbeing during your separation journey.

You’re not alone

Remember, millions have navigated the challenges of post-separation finances. You’re not alone in this.

If you would like someone to guide you through the points outlined in this blog, along with support in preparing everything for your financial settlement, a financial coach who specialises in separations is a fantastic option.

Meet the financial expert in our network

Ryan Watson founded Tribeca Financial with the goal of helping people live their best lives. He was frustrated with the financial planning industry’s focus on ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and wanted to create a different kind of company, one that was focused on helping people achieve their own unique financial goals.

Ryan and his team of expert financial advisors work with clients from all walks of life to help them grow and preserve their wealth, have the capacity to absorb financial shocks and have the freedom to make choices in life. He wants his clients to be able to live life as they wish, on their own terms.

With a passion for working with people at a crossroads in their lives, such as separation, Ryan and the Tribeca team are there to advise, protect, and support their clients’ financial wellbeing through the process and beyond.

BOOK A FREE CALL WITH RYAN

 

So, take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and embrace the journey. Your new path, built with careful planning, can lead you to a future filled with financial security and, more importantly, the freedom to truly live your life.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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Financial resources for separation

Separating from a partner is already challenging. The current cost-of-living crisis adds extra stress and uncertainty and may further complicate your separation. This blog explores resources to help you navigate your finances in these challenging times.

What support and payments am I eligible for?

When your circumstances change from being in a couple to being single, you may be eligible for some support from Services Australia that you couldn’t access before, especially if you are caring for children.

The types of income support you may be eligible for include:

  • child support
  • spouse maintenance
  • rent assistance
  • family tax benefits
  • single parent benefits.

Use this tool to find the government payments and services available to you.

Who do I need to speak to about money when I separate?

Legal advice

Seeking professional advice during separation is crucial, especially when avoiding advice may escalate tensions or lead to an unfair agreement on your asset split. Qualified professionals can advise you on a fair agreement that considers the financial and non-financial contributions you’ve both made and your long-term needs. While advice costs money now, it could be the thing that guarantees your long-term financial security.

Mediators can help you reach agreement with your former partner, and a legally-qualified mediator with The Separation Guide can also advise on a fair asset division for your unique relationship and circumstances. Family Lawyers can advise you on what’s fair for you and negotiate on your behalf.

Financial advice

Registered financial advisers can provide guidance tailored to your situation, helping you make informed decisions about asset division, superannuation transfers, investments, budgeting, and more.

Meet the financial expert in our network

Ryan Watson, Tribeca Financial

Ryan Watson founded Tribeca Financial with the goal of helping people live their best lives. He was frustrated with the financial planning industry’s focus on ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and wanted to create a different kind of company, one that was focused on helping people achieve their own unique financial goals.

Ryan and his team of expert financial advisors work with clients from all walks of life to help them grow and preserve their wealth, have the capacity to absorb financial shocks and have the freedom to make choices in life. He wants his clients to be able to live life as they wish, on their own terms.

With a passion for working with people at a crossroads in their lives, such as separation, Ryan and the Tribeca team are there to advise, protect, and support their clients’ financial wellbeing through the process and beyond.

BOOK A FREE CALL WITH RYAN

Find out if you are eligible for Legal Aid or Family Law Finance.

Legal Aid

Legal Aid helps vulnerable and disadvantaged Australians access legal representation. You may qualify if you are on a low income or if there is family violence. Each state and territory has its own Legal Aid commission. Contact your local Legal Aid service to find out if you are eligible for assistance.

Family Law Finance

Family law finance lets you release some of the money tied up in your property at the early stages of your separation, allowing you to pay for the right advice from separation professionals to ensure a fair outcome. Unlike a typical loan, you don’t repay the funds until the entire process concludes and you finalise your property settlement. Learn more here.

Remember, separating is never easy. Doing so during economic uncertainty only adds pressure to your situation. You can navigate this challenging time with greater clarity and peace of mind by knowing what resources are available to you, understanding your financial position, and seeking professional advice.

Meet the funders in our Network

JustFund is Australia’s only dedicated family law finance provider. What sets the JustFund team apart from other legal finance providers is their expertise in family law and the complexities of separation. They understand separation is stressful and financially challenging, and they take pride in providing quality service and treating clients with respect and support.

Some other JustFund differences:

  • check your eligibility with JustFund before you hire a lawyer
  • apply for funding for unpaid legal fees
  • primary caregiving or part-time employment doesn’t exclude borrowing
  • apply even if you’re not on the property title, or you have already sold a property, and your funds are held in trust
  • pay only from the proceeds you receive from your property settlement
  • apply for a minimum $10,000 and up to 25% of your expected settlement value
  • in-house family lawyers assess your eligibility based on their understanding of the law.

JustFund’s financing options exist so you can focus on achieving a better outcome with the financial resources you need. Get peace of mind to seek legal advice by checking your eligibility.

CHECK ELIGIBILITY

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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The women’s separation superannuation gap: what you need to know

When you and your partner decide to separate, it’s important to consider your superannuation, especially if you’ve had unequal financial opportunities and caregiving responsibilities throughout your relationship.

The Separation Guide’s State of Separation Impact Report shed light on the significant challenges many people, particularly women, face when they lack access to educational resources and legal guidance before starting a separation agreement. One big area that puts women at financial risk is missing out on superannuation.

Do you need to include super in a property division?

When a couple separates, superation is often the second largest asset in their marital pool. It might be your largest asset if you don’t own a home. However, many couples tend to overlook it during property division. You might think it’s too complicated or view it as a personal asset because it sits in individual funds.

If you find yourselves with fairly equal super balances and have both contributed equally to earning and caregiving in the relationship, you may decide that no split is necessary. But in the eyes of the law, you still need to include superannuation in your asset pool and put it on the table.

What is the women’s separation superannuation gap?

The women’s separation superannuation gap is the difference in superannuation balances at separation and at retirement. There are several contributing factors.

  • The gender pay gap, which results in women earning less on average.
  • Taking time out of the workforce to care for children, reducing superannuation contributions.
  • A lack of awareness of superannuation division rights during separation.

Why do women need to consider super?

If you’ve been the primary caregiver for your children, taken time off work, and had less earning capacity, don’t ignore superannuation at settlement.

It is particularly important to consider super if the financial opportunities and caregiving contributions were not equal during your relationship. This is often the case for women, and it can lead to a significant financial disadvantage.

For instance, when a couple with children separates in their forties, the average super balance for women is typically $28,000 lower than for men. After separation, it’s hard for women to rebuild their superannuation due to reduced earnings and career progression because of extended career breaks.

The effects of not considering super in separation might only become apparent later in life when you don’t have enough funds to support yourself in retirement.  The gender pay gap and the compounding nature of superannuation investments mean that the average super gap between men and women is already over $100,000 at retirement. It can be even greater for separated women. An Australian Institute of Family Studies report revealed that divorced men who remarry have an average of 113% more superannuation than divorced women who remain single in retirement.

Considering these factors, a fair outcome could be for the partner who could grow their superannuation during the relationship to share it with their partner who cared for the children.

Do you need to help with a super split?

Don't put your super in the too-hard basket. Take the Q&A to access your personal Support Hub with educational content and connections to professionals who can help you with a fair outcome.

Start the Q&A

Dangers of completing your own separation agreement

Our Impact Survey found that 42.5% of people with a primary caregiver responsibility in the relationship had reached a 50-50 split of assets without seeking any advice about the fairness of that arrangement.

This is concerning. 50-50 may seem fair at face value, especially if you’re unfamiliar with Australia’s 4-step family law process. But it is unusual for a Judge to agree to an even split when one of you has been a primary caregiver during the relationship. Usually, a higher percentage is awarded to the caregiver to address their short and long-term needs.

Often, couples who reach an agreement themselves without involving lawyers are amicable and want what’s fair for both people. They usually have the best intentions in keeping the agreement between them. They could be worried that legal advice would cause escalation and a ‘fight’. However, couples who don’t engage the support of a family lawyer or legally qualified mediator in their property settlement negotiation risk an unfair outcome that does not consider the non-financial contributions or the long-term needs of both parties.

Besides offering legal advice on the fairness of your agreement, your super fund requires an order drafted by a lawyer to carry out a split. This costs money. But a small investment now could mean security for your future.

How can a woman protect her superannuation interests during a separation?

If you are a woman who is considering a separation, there are a number of things you can do to protect your superannuation interests.

  • Get a copy of your superannuation statement. This will give you a clear picture of your current superannuation balance and contributions.
  • Request your ex-partner’s superannuation balance. They need to disclose this for your settlement. You can request it through the courts if you need to.
  • Seek legal advice to understand your superannuation rights and options during separation.
  • Consider your future financial needs. How much money will you need to live comfortably in retirement?
  • Engage a lawyer to draft a superannuation splitting order to split your superannuation balance with your spouse or partner.

Other resources for women going through a separation

Resources are available to help women going through a separation.

  • The Separation Guide Support Hub provides you with information and support when you’re going through a separation.
  • Your superannuation fund can provide you with information about your superannuation balance and your superannuation rights during separation.
  • A financial advisor can help you to understand your financial situation and develop a financial plan for your future.

Conclusion

The women’s separation superannuation gap is a significant issue that can impact your financial security in retirement. If you are a woman considering a separation, take steps to protect your superannuation interests. Seek legal advice to understand your superannuation rights and options, and consider using a superannuation splitting order to split your superannuation balance with your spouse or partner.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

 

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When are we separated? Understanding your date of separation

Understanding your date of separation and its significance in your family law matter is important for anyone going through a relationship breakdown. This blog post will delve into the ‘date of separation,’ why it matters, and how it can impact your divorce and property settlement.

How is ‘separation’ defined?

There is no precise definition of ‘separation’ under family law in Australia, and deciding the exact day you are separated isn’t always black and white.

Sometimes separation is a mutual choice, and you both agree on the date you separated. But separation doesn’t have to be a mutual decision – it could be that one of you initiates the split.

Knowing when you should call yourself separated can be tricky in some circumstances, such as if you’ve been talking about it for some time or if you both continue to live in the same residence. It’s not necessarily the date one of you moves out – separation doesn’t require physical separation.

Instead, separation is generally seen as when both of you know of the intention to separate and you stop living as a couple.

How to establish your date of separation

Determining your date of separation can be a complex task, particularly when there is no clear-cut moment, like one of you moving out. Various factors determine whether you have stopped living together ‘as a couple.’

These factors include:

  • clear communication between the parties that the relationship has ended
  • an absence of intimacy
  • moving into separate bedrooms
  • stopping public appearances as a couple
  • holidaying independently
  • separating finances
  • notifying government agencies, like Services Australia
  • telling children, extended family and friends you have separated.

In most family law matters, couples can agree to a date, record it and move onto the next steps.

Challenges and disputes about the date of separation

It is not uncommon for separated couples to continue living under the same roof for some time due to financial or other practical reasons. This can lead to disagreements about the actual date of separation.

Suppose you and your former partner can’t agree on the date yourselves or with the help of a mediator or family lawyers. In this case, the Court will examine the circumstances and factors surrounding your relationship and make a determination. Escalating your matter to Court is a very costly way to reach an agreement on the date you separated.

Documenting your separation

You can take steps to solidify the separation date and avoid disputes. Start by informing your family and friends about the separation, especially if you are still living with your ex-partner. Notify relevant organisations such as Centrelink and Medicare about the change in your relationship status. If you have children, notify their school or childcare. Consider dividing joint accounts or closing them to achieve a definitive financial separation.

Impact on divorce proceedings

If you are married, you must be separated for at least 12 months and one day to legally obtain your divorce. This requirement emphasises how important it is to establish a date of separation. Disagreeing may delay your divorce process.

Property settlement considerations

Both married and de facto couples can start the legal process of agreeing on property and family matters from the date you separate.

Married couples have to finalise their property agreement 12 months after the date their divorce is final, or apply to the court for a property order if you can’t agree.

For de facto couples, you need to commence property settlement within two years from the date of separation. It’s important to act well before this time is up to protect your rights and ensure a fair property settlement.

12 months or two years may seem like a long time to organise matters. But negotiations and settlement proceedings can take time, especially if things are fraught between you. Don’t leave things until the last moment.

Seek professional advice

Going through a relationship breakdown is undoubtedly challenging. During this emotionally charged time, we highly recommend that you seek the guidance of a family lawyer or legally-qualified mediator. They can provide the necessary knowledge, support, and advice to make informed decisions about your separation, divorce, and property settlement.

By establishing a clear date of separation, you can fulfil the requirements for divorce and property settlement. Seek education and professional advice early to better understand your rights and options. Though separation can be difficult, informed decisions and proper guidance can help you navigate this challenging time more easily.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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Who gets the pets in separation?

Many people consider their pets to be members of the family, so it can be difficult to decide who gets to keep them when a couple separates. In Australia, there is no specific legislation that determines pet custody cases, so the decision of who gets to keep the pet is often based on a number of factors, including who purchased the pet, who cares for the pet, and who the pet is bonded to.

How does the law view my pets if I separate?

In Australia, pets and livestock are legally considered property, not living beings. This means that the Courts will treat them like any other piece of property when deciding who gets to keep them. This can be tough if you have a strong emotional attachment to your pets.

What should I consider when planning pet custody?

  • Who purchased the pet? If one person purchased the pet, they may have a stronger claim to keep the pet. However, if the pet was purchased jointly, then both parties may have a claim to the pet.
  • Who the pet is bonded to? The pet’s own preferences may also be taken into account. If the pet is clearly bonded to one person, then that person may be more likely to be awarded custody of the pet.
  • Who cares for the pet? The person who cares for the pet on a day-to-day basis may also have a stronger claim to keep the pet. This is because the pet is likely to be more bonded to that person.
  • Who is the pet registered to, and who has the insurance in their name? These factors don’t determine ownership, but they need to be considered. Makes sure you change registration and insurance if required.
  • The pet’s needs and welfare The pet’s needs and welfare are also important factors to consider. The court will want to ensure that the pet is placed in a home where its needs will be met.
  • Do you have children who would benefit from time with the pet? Children are often very attached to family pets and can find comfort in having the pet around when they are going through family separation.
  • What are the long-term implications? Shared care of a pet means you have ongoing contact with your former partner. You may need to decide if this arrangement will impact your future wellbeing.

Connect with professionals who can help you reach agreement

Do you need assistance negotiating pet custody? Complete out free Q&A to receive recommendations to professionals who can help.

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How do we reach agreement about pet custody?

Negotiate with your former spouse

The ideal starting point is to engage in direct negotiations with your former spouse. They possess valuable knowledge about the pet’s needs and each family member’s emotional connection. Recent judicial arrangements have seen the pet remaining with the children and alternating between residences, mirroring the children’s schedules.

You’ll find an example of a pet owner’s plan at the bottom of the blog.

Seek mediation

If direct negotiations fail, mediation can be a viable option to discuss and establish the living arrangements for your pet. While any agreement reached during mediation is not legally enforceable, it serves as a reflection of your intentions.

Seek consent orders or prepare a binding financial agreement

In cases where negotiation or mediation doesn’t help, or if you want a legally enforceable arrangement, you can seek assistance from a family lawyer and pursue consent orders or prepare a binding financial agreement. These legal measures allow you to decide on pet ownership with your other property matters.

Do I need legal advice about my pets?

The decision of who gets to keep the pet after a separation is a complex one. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and the decision will vary depending on the individual circumstances. If you’re not sure if your situation falls under family law in Australia, you should speak to a lawyer to discuss your options. If you’re in a dispute over pet ownership with your former partner and need some help reaching an agreement about dividing your property, a mediator could be helpful.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

Pet owners plan example

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How to separate from your spouse while living together

It is possible to be separated under Australian law and still live with your partner. The Separation Guide’s data suggests that an increasing number of couples are separating and remaining living under one roof.

The law does not require you to separate from your partner physically to be able to record a date of separation. However, there are some factors that determine whether you are truly separated.

  • The intention of the parties. If you and your partner have both agreed to separate, the courts will likely consider you to be separated even if you live in the same home.
  • The conduct of the parties. If you and your partner are behaving as if you are no longer in a relationship, the courts will likely consider you to be separated. For example, living separate lives, sleeping in separate bedrooms, cooking and cleaning for yourselves, and not sharing meals.

If you have stopped living as a couple, you can choose to record a date of separation even if you are still living together.

If you are married, one year and one day past this date is the earliest the Court will allow you to apply for a divorce. If you are de facto and want to apply for a property settlement, you must do so within two years of this date.

Why are more separated couples still living together?

There are several reasons for this rising trend.

Some couples have acknowledged their relationship is not working but haven’t taken any formal steps to separate because they are unsure what they want. For these couples, the intimacy may have left the relationship, and they may have moved into separate bedrooms. These couples may not have formally recorded it themselves, but if their intention and conduct demonstrate they are separated, they may decide to record a separation date.

Some separated couples continue living under one roof due to financial constraints. These couples have agreed to separate and have begun the financial settlement process. They decide to live together until they sell or refinance their family home and the capital is released.

Some separating people may also fear that they cannot afford to live elsewhere or be financially disadvantaged if they leave.

For some couples, there is resistance to moving out due to concerns over children or because of societal expectations and stigma around what it means to leave the family home. There might be an emotional attachment to the home or beliefs about who deserves to keep it.

Wherever couples might find themselves in their separation journey, when remaining living under one roof, there is the potential for things to escalate.

Re-negotiating the relationship

People to be intentional about how their separation will work by identifying their needs, setting boundaries and inviting a conversation around this with their ex-partner and, where appropriate, extended family and friends.

Some things to consider are:

  • how you will share the space create privacy for each of you in your home
  • how you will split domestic chores
  • whether the family continue to have meals together and who will prepare them
  • how will you split care of children if you have them
  • how will you each demonstrate respect regarding your comings and goings
  • what boundaries need to be in place around inviting others into the property
  • how will you share responsibility for finances
  • who will pay the bills, the mortgage, child support, and more.

Without transparent conversations about your living arrangements, your expectations may misalign, and tensions and resentment can build. This tension can escalate things and eventually impact the chances of a more amicable separation.

These can be challenging conversations. Many former couples in this situation seek the support of a relationship counsellor to get clear on their needs, develop lower-conflict communication styles, understand and recognise when they become triggered or heightened, and learn strategies to regulate their emotions.

Bringing children into your separation

Culturally, there are many collective beliefs that parents staying together is in children’s best interests and that children from separated families have poorer outcomes. Many feel that keeping relationship issues and separation hidden from children will protect them and lessen the impact.

Most research and experts in this area speak to the contrary. Evidence demonstrates children sense discord when what they feel doesn’t match what they’re told. They can experience stress and feel unsafe as a result. Being honest with children, appropriate to their age and stage, about separation (and other significant life events) reduces confusion and supports children to feel safer and more empowered.

Find the right support professionals to guide you through your separation

Find out more about how a separation and divorce coach can assist you get through this time.

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Tips for living together while separated

There are a few areas aside from the practical living arrangements that you can focus on if you are in this situation to help you overcome some of the hurdles you will encounter.

Work on effective communication

It is important to understand your own and your ex-partner’s communication styles and recognise where that could lead to conflict. Through a large body of research, psychologists Gottman and Gottman identified four communication styles that can lead to conflict in relationships. These are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Understanding where you might sit in these categories and learning about the alternatives can reduce the likelihood of conversations escalating into conflict.

Set Boundaries, communicate your needs and manage expectations

Establish boundaries around personal space, personal time and social interactions to allow for individual growth and independence. An important boundary to establish is around physical intimacy: a hug may be within your boundaries, but having sex with your former partner after you’ve decided to separate can lead to hurt and confusion.

Communicate what you need to your former partner and understand that their needs may have also changed since the separation. It’s important to respect each other’s desires for personal growth and self-care. Be flexible and willing to compromise to find a balance that works for both of you.

Consider setting up regular check-ins with your partner to discuss any concerns or issues that arise to ensure you are both managing your expectations.

Get to know yourself better

Ask yourself, what is motivating you to maintain or resist the status quo, and how does this impact you? Where is there attachment to the past, to possessions or to the beliefs and judgements of others, and how might this be motivating or limiting you?

Understand your emotional responses and practise strategies such as breathwork, meditation, connection to nature and movement to support you when you become triggered. This can promote responding rather than reacting in emotive situations and avoid things escalating into conflict.

Take financial responsibility

Educate yourself as to your rights and responsibilities when it comes to finances, assets and parenting and explore your options with a qualified finance coach or advisor.

Focus on your own actions and reactions

Remember that you are only in control of yourself. Focus on what you can do and what is in your control. Focusing on what you can change and shift in yourself and not on what you can change about your ex-partner is key.

Achieve a low conflict separation

Developing and implementing these strategies can allow you to feel more empowered and in control of your life and your future, reducing conflict and minimising the risk of tensions escalating and leading to a costly and protracted separation. Seeking the support of professionals to guide and educate you through the process can make all the difference.

Thank you to Kelly Luisa Bagshaw for her contribution to this post.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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The 4-step process to family law settlements in Australia

Going through a divorce or separation is a tough time for any family, and things can become even more complicated when it comes to dividing property and assets. The 4-step process of family law settlements is a framework that is used to determine a fair property division between separating or divorcing couples in Australia.

Benefits of the 4-step process

The 4-step process of family law settlements is widely accepted as a framework for dividing property in a fair and reasonable way. The process provides a structured approach to resolving disputes and helps to minimize conflict between you. It is also designed to make sure that the outcome is just and equitable, taking into account the unique circumstances of each of you.

By following the 4-step process, you’re able to negotiate and reach an agreement that is tailored to your specific needs. This helps to avoid a “one size fits all” approach and ensures that the outcome is fair to both of you.

Step 1: Identify your assets and liabilities

The first step in the process is to identify all the assets and liabilities that you own both jointly and individually at the time you are negotiating the settlement. This includes real estate, bank accounts, investments, cars, and other personal property, as well as any debts. Having a clear understanding of the assets and liabilities before proceeding with the settlement process is crucial.

Step 2: Assess the contributions you both made

The second step is to assess the contributions that each of you has made to the relationship. This includes financial contributions such as income and inheritances, as well as non-financial contributions such as caring for children or maintaining the family home. The law considers contributions made before, during, and after your relationship.

Step 3: Consider your future needs

The third step is to consider the future needs of each of you, taking into account factors such as age, health, earning capacity, and the care of children. This step makes sure that the settlement is fair and reasonable, given both your circumstances. Your future needs are considered by assessing your capacity to support yourself in the future, both financially and non-financially.

Step 4: Evaluate the overall outcome of the agreement

The fourth and final step is to evaluate the overall outcome of the proposed settlement and ensure that it is just and equitable. This includes considering factors such as taxation, legal costs, and the practicality of any proposed arrangements. This step makes sure that the settlement is fair for both of you

It’s important to note that the process of family law settlements can be quite complex, and the steps are not always followed in the same order. At The Separation Guide, our recommendation is that you seek advice from a family law specialist who can help you navigate the process and provide expert advice on property settlements.

Conclusion

Divorce or separation is a challenging time, and property settlements can make it even more complicated. The 4-step process of family law settlements provides a structured approach to resolving disputes and ensures that the outcome is fair and reasonable. Seeking the advice of a family law specialist is crucial to navigate the process with confidence and reach an agreement that is tailored to your specific needs. Remember, the key to a successful property settlement is to stay calm, be informed, and seek expert advice.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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Understanding the proposed family law reform in Australia

If you feel overwhelmed by the thought of navigating the family law system in Australia, you’re not alone. But recent draft changes released by Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus are here to help make things easier for families like yours.

Why did we need a change?

The family law system has been criticised for a while now for being too slow and complicated, which often leaves families in a state of uncertainty and stress for extended periods.

The latest family law shake-up reform is designed to address some of the critical issues faced by families in the legal system, including the length of time it takes for cases to be resolved and the high costs involved in the process.

What’s changing?

The family law shake-up reform includes a range of changes aimed at improving the legal process for families, including:

  • a proposed new family court system to handle all family law cases in Australia
  • a new, simplified six “best-interest factors” covering safety, developmental needs and your child’s preference to decide how parents split care
  • the removal of the presumption of “equal shared parental responsibility”, as it is often misunderstood to mean equal care rather than equal consultation in long-term decisions
  • a new alternative dispute resolution (ADR) system to resolve disputes without going to Court, available to all families regardless of their financial circumstances
  • new measures to make the process faster, including using technology to streamline the legal process
  • an increase in funding for family law services and support, so families can get the help they need.

What does this mean for you?

This proposed family law reform has the potential to make a big difference in the lives of families and the legal system as a whole. Here’s what could happen.

  • Cases will be resolved faster, reducing family stress and uncertainty.
  • The new best interest factors simplify negotiating custody arrangements and ensure your child’s needs are at the centre of every decision.
  • The cost of resolving legal issues will be lower since the new ADR system is an alternative to the traditional court system.
  • Families will have more access to support and resources, which will help them get the best outcome possible.

When will the changes happen?

While these changes are welcome, it is still very early in the process. They will take time to implement and will require careful management. The government and relevant stakeholders need to work together to ensure that the reforms meet your needs and those of other families and children. If the draft amendments become law, there will be a 6-month lead time before most of the changes come into effect.

It’s also important to recognise that these reforms won’t solve all the problems associated with separation and divorce. But they are a positive step in the right direction to provide you with the support and services you need to navigate this difficult time.

What can I do in the meantime?

At The Separation Guide, we already believe that a mediation-first approach and Court as a last resort is the best way to make all aspects of separation and divorce simpler, more manageable, and less stressful. We strongly believe that changes to family law in Australia are long overdue, and we welcome these draft reforms.

All the professionals in our Network have signed our ethical charter, have a de-escalation mindset and see Court as a last resort. Working with our compassionate mediators and lawyers can help ease the emotional and stressful process of separating your family.

Please get in touch if you want to find the right professionals to help you.

For a more in-depth understanding of the proposed reforms, check out these FAQs from the Attourney-Gerneral department. 

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

 

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How should I approach Christmas without my children?

The holidays are a time for family, joy, and togetherness. But what if your family unit looks different this year? If you’re facing Christmas without your children due to separation and divorce, the festive season can feel overwhelming. You might wonder how to navigate the traditions, manage loneliness, and create a meaningful Christmas experience.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone! This blog is here to guide you through this challenging time. We’ll explore strategies for approaching Christmas without your children, from self-care tips to alternative ways to celebrate. Let’s turn this potentially difficult experience into a chance for personal growth and rediscover the joy of the season.

How can I let go of how things used to be?

There are many ways to approach Christmas, special days and birthdays as a separated family. Remaining open and flexible will be the key to avoiding it becoming contentious.

The truth is, this will be a negotiation, and it may require you to hold on a little less tightly to past traditions and adjust for the present and future. It is very natural to struggle with change. Letting go can be incredibly challenging, and it’s okay to experience a sense of loss. You may find feelings such as anger, resentment, and injustice arise.

Acknowledging such feelings as valid is essential. However, allowing those feelings to pass and trying not to make decisions from this place is key. There are some things you can try to help you move on.

  • Writing an angry letter and destroying it can be a helpful way to express those feelings and remove some of the intensity.
  • When negotiating Christmas and other special occasions, try to provide yourself with space before responding to any requests.
  • Ask yourself what you are holding on to and why you find it hard to let it go. What particular meaning does this have for you personally? Are you getting stuck on wanting to ‘win’ or not wanting to give ground? What are you telling yourself it means about you if you relinquish?
  • Consider an alternate perspective or reframe things for yourself.

Whatever your circumstances, none of this is easy. These strategies are skills to master. Going through a separation and divorce can give rise to a time of personal development and healing. It forces us to stop and reflect on the past and learn more about ourselves.

How can I feel positive about Christmas without my kids?

The key is to reset expectations around what Christmas looks like. We’re sold an ideal that is, more often than we realise, not the reality for so many people around Christmas time.

To reset expectations, people may need a plan to bolster themselves and be intentional about how they want to spend their time away from their children. One thing to try is journaling about how you want Christmas to look for you.

Ask yourself the following questions.

  • Do I want to be around people, and if so, why?
  • What stories am I telling myself about what being alone at Christmas means?
  • What needs have I been neglecting, and how might I use this time to meet them?
  • How might I experience peace, joy & connection at this time?
  • What are some of the traditions I enjoy about Christmas that I can continue to participate in for myself?

Doing this allows you to see the time apart as a gift to appreciate and enjoy. It is all too easy to narrow our focus to see only what we are missing out on and miss all the other wonderful things that we get to experience.

Christmas is more than one day. There is so much to enjoy and share with your children in and around Christmas: end-of-year parties, Christmas carols, Santa visits, shopping for and wrapping the gifts, moving the elf (grrrr), decorating the tree, writing letters to Santa, making plans to visit friends and family in the holidays… the list goes on.

The point is we have a choice: focus on what we are missing out on or rejoice in all the things we have.

How can I manage my emotional health at Christmas?

This isn’t to dismiss the sadness and loss that come with letting go of our dreams of what a family Christmas looks like. Allowing yourself to sit with and acknowledge those feelings is important, and it is okay to spend a little time grieving.

There are some things you can try to help manage your emotional health & wellbeing.

  • Avoid doom scrolling; comparing your situation to other people’s Christmas highlights reel is an exercise in self-punishment and does nothing to serve you.
  • Be honest about how your past Christmases have looked, especially in the last couple of years before separation, and throw away those rose-tinted specs!
  • Don’t focus on the time you’re missing out on – focus on the time you will spend with your children and make that special.
  • If the opinions of family or friends aren’t helpful, don’t be afraid to put boundaries around contact or topics of conversation that aren’t up for discussion.
  • If being alone feels too scary right now, reach out and ask for help.

Speaking to a counsellor or Divorce Coach who can help you understand your experience and guide you forward is an option that may help when difficult experiences like this come up.

Thank you to Kelly Luisa Bagshaw for her contribution to this post. 

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free three-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need legal, financial or well-being support.

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Tips to keep your online activity private

About one in three people using our site haven’t spoken to their partner about separation. 17 per cent of people tell us that there is family violence in their relationship.

To stay private and safe when researching separation, it’s a good idea to know some tips for keeping your online activity away from your partner.

If there is family violence, avoid using your own device

If you are in a dangerous situation where there is family violence, and you’d like to find out about separating, the safest way is to use someone else’s device. Using a computer, smartphone or tablet in a workplace or one belonging to a friend or family member outside the home reduces the chance that your spouse will find out what you’re researching.

Don’t stay logged in to websites you want to keep private

Don’t tick “remember me, “”keep me logged in” or “trust this device for 30 days” on sites you’ve logged into that you want to keep private, including your Support Hub on The Separation Guide. Log in each time.

How to leave the page you’re viewing

If you’re surprised by someone and need to quickly change what you’re viewing on a desktop computer or laptop, click on the “Quick exit” button in the upper right-hand corner or hit the escape key. This will redirect you to google.com.

How to delete your search history

Search engines like Google learn your habits and make suggestions based on your previous searches. Your partner or an older child may realise what information you’ve looked up in the past if they use the same computer or device. Learn to clear your search history at Google, Yahoo and Bing.

How to clear your browsing history

Your browser also tracks which websites you visit. Learn to turn off the tracking or clear your browsing history in Chrome, Safari, Internet Explorer, Firefox and Toolbar.

How to delete cookies

Cookies are small files on a website that save a little bit of information each time you visit. This helps the website tailor the experience for you the next time you use the site. You can learn to delete cookies from your computer here.

Keep your smartphone private

In addition to deleting browsing history, cookies and search history from your smartphone, this article contains tips for stopping someone from accessing the information on your phone.

Keep your tablet private

Take similar steps on your tablet settings and browser. Here’s how to do it on an iPad, Kindle, Galaxy Note, Surface and Google Nexus.

Keep your email and social media accounts private

Ensure your email and social media accounts are password protected and change your passwords regularly. Log out from your accounts each time you stop using a device – closing the browser isn’t enough. Consider using your email at work or opening a new email account that you keep private from your partner and family. Delete communications from The Separation Guide if you think your partner may be monitoring your emails and messages. Delete your sent messages and empty your deleted items folder as well.

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