What is conscious uncoupling?

When a relationship ends, it can be a deeply emotional and difficult experience for both parties involved. It is natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and grief. However, conscious uncoupling offers an alternative approach to dealing with the end of a relationship that focuses on self-care, personal growth, and healing.

Gwyneth Paltrow popularised the term when she and her then-husband, Chris Martin, announced their separation in 2014. Conscious uncoupling, coined by relationship coach and author Katherine Woodward Thomas, refers to the process of ending a romantic relationship in a way that is respectful, compassionate, and mindful of both parties.

“Your breakup doesn’t need to ruin your life, damage your kids or define your future,” says Woodward Thomas. The aim of conscious uncoupling is to “bring you through one of the most difficult things you ever have to go through intact and with everyone set up to win”.

What is conscious uncoupling?

While every breakup is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution, conscious uncoupling offers a framework for navigating the end of a relationship with grace and kindness.

One of the key elements is the idea is that both of you played a role in the demise of your relationship demise, and taking responsibility for your actions is important. This means acknowledging any hurt you may have caused and apologising for it. It also involves forgiveness, both for yourself and your ex-partner.

Another important aspect of conscious uncoupling is personal growth. Instead of getting stuck in negative emotions, it’s about moving forward and becoming the best version of yourself. This might mean going to therapy, joining a support group, or finding other ways to process the end of the relationship.

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Is conscious uncoupling an easier way to end a relationship?

Often the easiest emotions to feel when you are hurting are anger and resentment. It can be easier to blame someone else for your situation than take responsibility for your role in the situation. The conscious uncoupling process can be challenging and requires a willingness to be vulnerable and honest about your own emotions and actions.

However, the benefits of the approach can be significant. It allows you to end your relationship with love and understanding rather than bitterness and resentment and move forward with a sense of peace.

Who can help us consciously uncouple?

If you’re considering this approach, it can help you both to seek the support of a divorce coach or couples counsellor who can help you communicate in a way that will avoid escalation and lay the groundwork for a positive separation. They can also support you with some of the more confronting aspects of acknowledging your own role in the breakdown of the relationship. It is also important to choose legal professionals aligned with your wishes and actively seek to avoid escalation.

Key takeaways

- Conscious uncoupling involves being vulnerable and honest about one’s emotions and actions, leading to a more peaceful end to the relationship with love and understanding rather than bitterness.
- Seek support from a divorce coach or couples counsellor to communicate effectively and avoid escalation. Legal professionals can also help ensure the process aligns with your wishes.
- Conscious uncoupling focuses on self-care, personal growth, and healing. It involves acknowledging each party’s role in the relationship’s end, taking responsibility, and seeking forgiveness. The goal is to navigate the breakup with grace and move forward positively.

Journalist Tamara Oudyn from ABC Radio Life Matters podcast series ‘The Good Divorce’ spoke with Katherine Woodward Thomas about conscious uncoupling. Listen to the episode here.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To find out more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

How to help someone going through a separation

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How to help someone going through a separation

Most marriages begin with love and mutual respect. No one goes into marriage intending it to end in divorce. But with studies now suggesting that 33% of all marriages in Australia are expected to end in divorce, most people will likely feel the impacts of a separation at some point in their lives. If you are a friend or family member of a loved one going through a breakup, you likely need to protect, nurture and support them through the challenges ahead.

Rushing in to take sides and give advice is often our instinct. However, there are better ways to approach things. While there is no quick fix to ease the pressure of your loved one’s relationship breakdown, there are ways you can offer proactive and practical support.

So what should we do – and not do – if we want to help our friend? Here are some guidelines that may help.

Share The Separation Guide Q&A

The Separation Guide is a resource designed to support your friend or loved one through all aspects of their separation, from before they separate to finalising their split and beyond.

Our research shows that early education and access to the right advice from qualified professionals can make a separation quicker, more straightforward, less costly and less stressful.

According to our Impact Survey, the people who used The Separation Guide resources and engaged with our network’s ethical, trustworthy professionals had better outcomes on every metric.

> Our clients saved 52% on costs

> They reached a resolution 24% faster

> Their stress reduced by 11%

> The impact at work decreased by 25%

The first step to a better separation for your friend, family member or colleague is to complete our 3-minute Q&A for access to our free Support Hub, with information about separation and connection to the professionals they will need. You can have a significant impact on their separation by sharing the link.

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Be there for them and listen

When a friend or family member confides in us, we can feel pressure to offer wise counsel to prove their trust in us was not misplaced. But often, that’s different from what they need. In fact, our friend or loved one may resent advice that wasn’t asked for or the presumption that we immediately have the solution for a painful, complex issue.

Very often, someone going through separation wants to be comforted and heard. We can best support them by remembering we are not trained counsellors and focus instead on what friends do best: listen, hug them, and let them know you will be there for them as they work through this.

Offer empathy

Offering empathy is a powerful way to help someone experiencing a separation. You can show constructive empathy by focusing the discussion on your hurting loved one’s feelings – not on their partner or what may have occurred for the relationship breakdown. People experiencing separation are bound to feel a world of emotions. Someone well-versed in supporting people will know not to fuel the emotional flame and to listen objectively without offering too much opinion.

Try to understand the waves of emotion and uncertainty they are feeling and let them know their feelings are perfectly valid. You could say things like:

“I’m sorry you have to go through something so painful.”

“I’m guessing you’re really confused right now.”

“It sounds like you’re extremely hurt and disappointed. I would be, too.”

Offer perspective

A good friend and confidant who knows the couple well can speak life and hope into the situation by offering a more balanced perspective.

In contrast to giving advice, offering perspective is not directive or pushy, nor should it diminish your loved one’s experience with statements like “it could be worse” or “at least you’ve got your health.”

It’s a much more sensitive approach to listen and ensure the hurting friend feels heard and understood before gently suggesting alternative, more positive ways of looking at the situation.

Don’t underestimate the value to your friend of feeling heard and understood and of knowing they have a trusted friend who cares about them – and who also cares about their marriage.

Show your support

This has a caveat. When you support a friend or family member during a divorce, the best way is to champion them and build them up without tearing down their former partner.

Putting on the boxing gloves and launching into ‘I always hated them, you always deserved better…’ will build a wall of negativity.

Instead, say: ‘You’re a great person. You’re strong, and we will get through this together. Would you like to have dinner tomorrow? I am always here to listen whenever you need me. In a year, this will feel better. What do you need? I care for you.”

Don’t offer uneducated advice

Unless you are a qualified expert or have experienced an identical separation yourself, it is unlikely that you can comprehend the depth of your loved one’s experience.

People in support roles tend to problem-solve to make themselves feel useful, but offering unsolicited advice may create unforeseen problems later.

The best way to offer advice is to do a little digging into professional services that can help them navigate the path of separation most effectively and amicably. Friends help friends find the help they need.

Accredited Mediator Jack Whelan explains, One of the biggest mistakes people going through a separation process make is taking advice from friends and (well-meaning) family who do not understand the law”. He advises to get their support but “don’t take their advice, as every relationship is different”.

Provide practical help

Your friend or family member may struggle to juggle the practical aspects of life after separation. Sometimes, they may need help with some of the practical aspects of their new life but may not be able to ask for support or know how to respond if you ask, “What do you need?”

Some practical things you could offer are

a place to stay if they are still living with their former partner and need some space
to drop off or pick up children from school to help with a change in routine
babysitting so they can have some time to themselves for exercise or a hobby
a meal so they don’t have to organise food for themselves every day.

Often, practical help comes thick and fast in the early days of separation and then dries up just as the grind of daily life sets in. If you can, make your practical help part of your weekly routine so your friend or loved one knows they can rely on you. This can provide them with some peace of mind and take away some of their stress and mental load.

Click here to view the list of our resources and tools to help your friend or family members.

Key takeaways

- Support friends or family going through a divorce by building them up without tearing down their former partner.
- Assist with practical tasks, such as offering a place to stay, helping with child care, or providing meals.
- Offer a listening ear rather than unsolicited advice. Comfort and hear them out, providing emotional support without judgement.
- Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and validating their emotions.
- Help them see a more balanced perspective without diminishing their feelings and avoid dismissive statements.
- Promote the use of resources like The Separation Guide for professional advice and support

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

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How can I have a peaceful separation?

Your partner and you have decided to separate. Regardless of whether you initiated the decision, were the responder or it was something you agreed upon jointly, endings are emotional and people’s feelings will vary each and every time.

Whatever your situation, be it friendly or bitter, the process can be amicable if you both make a conscious choice and effort to stay that way. The Separation Guide spoke with Tarnya Davis, and Heather Irvine-Rundle, both clinical psychologists on the NSW Central Coast who shared some key steps you can take for the best chance of an amicable separation:

1. Deal with emotions first

Separation is a time of great emotional pain and enormous change. An incredibly important step is to seek counselling from a neutral party which will support you to deal with the loss of a significant relationship. “It’s important to manage your own emotional reactions in the situation,” says Tarnya. “Investing in preparation is a good idea… people can hang on to these issues for a very very long time”. Learning coping strategies will help you to survive the transition, and working through these can help to put you in a better place to have a peaceful and amicable separation.
“If you can manage your own emotion and settle yourself… then sometimes that change results in the change to come”, says Tarnya. Heather adds “grief is the dream of what you thought you were going to have and it’s really important that you’re supported to grieve in that way”. Grieving that the future is going to be different, feeling hurt, dealing with feelings of anger or resentment are important issues you need to work through and resolve before you go down the path of having a peaceful divorce. “Saying to yourself, ‘when my emotions are in check, that’s the greatest gift I can give myself’ ”
Adds Heather “and then we need to move forward`.

2. Practice radical acceptance

If you’re the partner that was not the initiator of the separation, it may be very difficult to accept that the relationship is over. This can greatly affect your self esteem and sense of self worth. “When we look at it in our industry, we call this radical acceptance. What it means is that although we don’t want to, it takes a radical step to accept that this person isn’t going to be the person in our lives that we wanted. It’s radical to believe that we’re not going to grow old together. It’s radical to accept that there’s going to be a new mother or a new person who’s going to be around our children. And it’s called radical acceptance because it often is a big radical leap.”

3. Avoid speaking poorly about your former partner

“Especially if there are children involved” says Tarnya. Perhaps one of the crucial steps to ensuring you have a peaceful divorce, is making sure that you avoid any negative talk about your former partner. “A big part of what kids see and learn is how their parents might manage their difficult emotions around separation. Accepting that you have control over how you think, how you react and how you behave” show that it’s possible to have an amicable divorce. Learning to forgive, or putting your pain to the side while you deal with the practical aspects, can make the journey to a peaceful separation much easier. Primarily, “thinking about how children feel, and how they are coping with this very difficult time in their lives”. Think about your post-divorce relationship. What do you want it to look like? How will you get there? Your choices here will help the next part of your journey.

4. Put the children first, always

“The thing is, separation is probably one of the most traumatic and difficult times a family might go through”, says Tarnya. For the greatest peaceful transition, both of you should be prepared to share the major decisions about the welfare of your children and continue to communicate positively with one another in relation to the children’s lives. Be prepared to trial a few different arrangements and find one that works for both of you and the children. You can’t possibly know what will work best until you’ve given different arrangements a chance. One which ensures the children remain happy along the way.

5. Deal with losses of mutual friendships maturely

Often separating couples lose a group of friends and colleagues in the process of separating. “The shock of ‘this is what I’ve lost’ and the grief side of the change… can mean huge social changes, losing your partner as well as their extended family or having to move homes or changing your work situation” adds to discomfort within the situation. Avoid expecting your friends or colleagues to take sides, Tarnya suggests that sometimes “we can’t change something that we may think is unfair. But if it can’t be changed, continuing to rally against that only just causes you more pain and suffering”. Accepting what is and focusing on what you can control, letting friends know you want a peaceful separation and that you can both continue your own friendships if they choose to.

6. See if Guided Separation might be right for you

Getting divorced does not need to be the same as the movies. There is a better way. Guided Separation allows couples to engage with a legally-qualified Mediator to help them reach a fair agreement. Mediation is a process whereby an independent third party helps both parties to find a resolution that is mutually acceptable. To find out if a Mediator assisting you through Guided Separation might be right for your situation, take our free 3-minute Q&A here and know all your options.

Key takeaways

- - Avoid negative talk about your ex. Focus on managing your emotions and aiming for an amicable divorce.
  - Ensure children’s well-being by sharing decisions about their welfare and communicating positively.
  - Separation often affects friendships. Avoid expecting friends to take sides. Accept the change, focus on what you can control, and communicate your desire for peaceful separation.
  - Guided Separation involves working with a mediator to reach a fair resolution, providing a calmer, more collaborative approach to divorce.
  - Seek counselling to manage the emotional pain of separation. Grieve the loss and work through feelings to prepare for a peaceful divorce.
  - Accept the reality of separation to help move forward. It involves accepting the end of the relationship and focusing on self-care and future growth.

Tarnya Davis is a clinical and forensic psychologist based in Newcastle, NSW and Heather is a Clinical Psychologist on the Central Coast, NSW.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

Role of a Financial Advisor in the separation process

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How might a divorce impact grandparents?

Adjusting to life after separation is a challenge for every family that goes through it. Less commonly considered is that the challenge can extend to grandparents who may have their own uncertainties as to how they should navigate this ‘new normal’.
“Separation impacts much more than just the two people involved” says Rebecca Dahl, partner at Nicholes Family Law. And as Geoff, a father and grandfather who has recently supported his daughter through her divorce told us, “you never stop being a parent”. Overarchingly, a grandparent needs to show support for the family at large, and where possible remain impartial.

On learning of his daughter and son in law’s separation, Geoff says he felt the weight of wanting to make sure he was able to give the right advice and support “but I didn’t really know what that was”. “I hadn’t been through a separation, so I didn’t have a lot of experience in what to do next. But trying to alleviate my daughter’s concerns and talk through her late night worries was just something I had to take on”.

I told her “I think you need to work out what you want from this, and then find a lawyer that is aligned with your beliefs. I’ve seen too many people fight unnecessarily, and all that ends up happening, is they lose out in the end”.

Staying connected with grandchildren while maintaining communication with the other party was a key concern. “For us, it was about ensuring we could support them both as they worked through their issues, but also we were keen to be there to support our grandkids,” says Geoff.

As Rebecca explained “The Family Law Act states that as well as their parents, children have a right to a relationship with other significant people in their life, and that includes their grandparents”. Geoff stated “We had a lot of involvement with the children of the marriage, and we didn’t want that to change because our daughter became separated. We kept up our regular involvement and time with the grandkids’ lives which seemed to help keep things somewhat normal for all of us.”

Rebecca speaks first-hand with clients everyday who are facing separation and advises that “these days there are a lot of tools to support family relationships, especially if there has been conflict. Our Family Wizard is a useful app that many families use to help work out co-parenting arrangements. It supports families when there is both good and bad communication and suggests “keep your time with your grandchildren fun and light. Have a positive attitude, and keep things low-stress. Have ideas for fun things to do that you know they will enjoy and will take their mind off any stress they might be feeling at home. Demonstrate how to stay peaceful and calm even in the face of challenges. Be a positive role model for your grandchildren”.

The challenge for grandparents comes with having to acclimatise to their family’s new sense of normal while being a constant source of support for their grandchildren. Communicating with their adult child is vital to ensure they are always on the same page.

Communication is key to gliding over any bumps that arrive. Rebecca suggests that “communicating with your extended family about what is happening is nine-tenths the real key to these things”. If you run into challenging times “there are a lot of counsellors now that offer family counselling. In these instances they will have parents, kids, grandparents etc. It can be really powerful to support positive relationships moving forward”.

To learn more about The Separation Guide take our Q&A here.
To visit Our Family Wizard you can visit their website here.

REBECCA DAHL | Nicholes Family Lawyers

Rebecca is partner at Nicholes Family Lawyers. She practises exclusively in family law and has a particular interest in complex children’s matters. She has extensive experience in working with clients experiencing family violence, and helping people navigate the Intervention Order process. In addition, she specialises in family law for the LGBTIQA+ community (including egg and sperm donation agreements and co parenting agreements) and was a finalist in the Straight Ally of the Year Category at the Globe Community Awards.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

Are you de facto married?

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What is a good divorce — and how do you have one?

We’re proud to be featured in a new program from ABC Radio National called The Good Divorce.

It’s all about helping Australians find ways to separate and co-parent amicably without spending vast amounts of money, time and stress.

Which is exactly why we established The Separation Guide.

So how can people have a better separation — and avoid getting caught in the escalation cycle?

In the video above, Mediator and Barrister Jack Whelan chats about:

the people who have less stressful, less expensive divorces
the biggest regrets people have after separation
why winning isn’t everything

Whether you’re starting a separation process, or halfway through, let us know if we can help you.

We have a network of Mediators, Family Lawyers, financial advisors and psychologists who all believe in open communication, de-escalation and Court as a last resort.

It is important to note that in some situations, eg. where there are safety or violence issues, a ‘good’ divorce just isn’t possible.

We are here to support people whatever their separation circumstances.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

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How do I communicate with my partner during a separation or divorce?

Communicating with your partner can be difficult during a separation or divorce.

Generally, however, the ‘angrier’ the process, the higher the cost and the longer it will take. That’s why all the experts in our network — from lawyers to accountants — believe in de-escalation.

As Lawyer Anna Cruckshank says, communication is ‘the number one element that drives whether a separation is dealt with in a sensible way that gets the best outcome for the parties or whether it goes off the rails.’

So, how can you communicate more effectively? Below are some tips to help you navigate this process.

But before we start… your safety is paramount. If you are concerned about your partner’s potential reaction during and after a conversation, seek professional help first.

Have a plan for how the issue of separation or divorce is raised.

The bottom line is that it’s a difficult conversation to have. Think about how you and your partner want to be communicated with and what support you need after the discussion.

If you have children, put their interests first.

That means both parents are modelling good behaviour by being respectful, calm and positive about each other. How should you discuss a separation with your kids? We chat with a senior psychologist in this podcast.

Consider using a co-parenting app to streamline schedules as keep all your communications in one place.

Meet in public places.

This could help you both control emotions and maintain an amicable conversation.

Try to keep an open mind.

When you’re having a conversation, actively listen to your partner’s concerns and thoughts. That means asking questions rather than making judgements. Davide Di Pietro, Clinical Social Worker at the Resilience Centre Family Clinic, explains that receptive thinking ‘can really turn things around, even in cases where there has been high conflict in the past.’

Be willing to hear ‘no.’

It is reasonable to expect you will not agree on everything during the separation. This long process requires a lot of negotiation to reach a fair and equitable agreement. ‘Maintaining an element of respect for each other’ and a realistic understanding can help you move forward, says Anna Cruckshank, Managing Director at Aubrey Brown.

Think before you respond.

Avoid responding to messages or emails when you’re emotional because this may push you into an escalation cycle. And in a legal sense, when matters escalate, they tend to cost time, money and stress.

Look after yourself.

Take care of your mental health and if you need to speak with someone independent, reach out to a counsellor or psychologist in your area. We can help connect you with experts in our network — contact us for their details.

Find someone to communicate for you.

If respectful communication with your former partner is impossible, use a representative to communicate for you. Depending on the stage you are at, this could be a trusted family member, friend, Mediator or Lawyer.

Key takeaways

- Avoid emotional responses to prevent escalation and additional costs.
- Take care of your mental health and seek support if needed.
- Use a representative if direct communication with your ex is impossible.
- Plan how to discuss separation and what support you’ll need.
- Model good behaviour by being respectful and calm around children.
- Consider using a co-parenting app to communicate with your former partner.
- Meeting in public can help maintain amicable conversations.
- Actively listen and ask questions instead of making judgments.

The Separation Guide aims to make separation and divorce simpler, more manageable and less stressful. To learn more about how one of our Network Members could support your separation, take our free 3-minute Q&A.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or well-being needs.

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This 3-minute Q&A can help you better understand how separation and divorce work.

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How much does it cost to get a divorce or separate?

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Divorce surge during COVID-19 | Channel 9 News

If COVID-19 has impacted your relationship — you’re not alone.

In Victoria, we’ve seen an ‘85% increase in people wanting to speak to either a marriage counsellor or a psychologist,’ our Co-founder Angela Harbinson told Channel 9.

The Separation Guide has brought together a network of specialists who can guide you through the entire separation and divorce process.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

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Spending 5 minutes on the interactive Q&A now can help save you time and money in the future.

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Preparing your finances for separation

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Preparing your finances for separation

Finances can be a significant source of stress – it’s not uncommon for financial issues to contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. This blog explores some steps you can take to prepare and manage your finances before and during a separation.

Separating from a partner is an emotional journey, and it’s important to acknowledge the stress that comes with it. Financial stress is often intertwined with the emotions of separation, as it can bring fears about the future and uncertainties about your financial stability.

Set aside time to consider your individual goals, understand your financial picture and potential living expenses, and decide what to do with your assets. Being clear on these aspects will help you identify financial priorities and areas for compromise.

Starting an open conversation about money can be difficult, but it’s an important aspect of separating.

Here are a few things to consider.

When you need help from financial professionals

There are a few financial experts and resources you may need during a separation.

A financial advisor can help you set your financial goals and guide you to reach them. They can also advise you on structuring your financial settlement to cover your short and long-term needs. You can book a free initial chat with an advisor in our network.

A financial coach can take more of a guiding hand during your separation, helping you understand the process, your financial literacy, your budget and the documentation you’ll need for your legal matter. You can book a free initial chat with a coach in our network.

Family law finance is available to you if you have a property division in your matter. This type of finance can help you pay upfront fees for legal and other professional advice to assist you in reaching a fair settlement. There are no ongoing payments – you settle the loan when you settle your matter. This is really helpful if you have equity in your home, but it’s tied up until you sell or settle your matter. JustFund is the family law finance provider we recommend. You can check if you’re eligible for this type of funding by filling in JustFund’s quick form.

Read on for more details on when you might speak with a financial professional and some tips for preparing your finances.

Open up about money

Money is often a sensitive topic, but discussing it openly during the separation process is essential. Always keep your spouse in the loop, and don’t make any choices about finances that impact both of you without speaking to them first. Keeping open lines of communication about money can help you understand each other’s needs and perspectives and make compromises and progress.

Develop your financial literacy

If you don’t have experience actively managing finances, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. Reach out for help and educate yourself about managing money. A financial coach is a good place to start.

Understand your new goals and your partner’s goals

Separation often means a shift from shared goals to individual ones. Take the time to reflect on your goals and use them as a basis for discussion with your partner. A financial planner can help you set attainable goals.

Take the 3-minute Q&A

To get in touch with the professionals you need, take the Q&A.

Start the Q&A

Get a clear picture of your finances

Make a list of assets and debts held in both names. Record your income streams, expenses, and liabilities. This information will be essential for splitting finances and seeking advice or legal assistance. A financial coach can help you identify where the money is in your relationship.

Choose your priorities

Separation often leads to increased living costs for both parties. This is even more challenging when the cost of living is rising. Prioritise your expenses and focus on what matters to reduce financial pressure. The MoneySmart Budget Planner is a helpful tool.

Decide how to handle assets

Asset division can be a contentious issue during separation. A financial advisor can advise you on how a different split of assets, like property, savings and superannuation, may work for you. You should seek advice from an independent family lawyer or consider using a mediator to facilitate discussions and reach an amicable agreement. You can log in to your Support Hub to see your recommended legal professionals. Take the Q&A if you don’t have a personal Support Hub yet.

Plan realistic timeframes

Asset division and the sale of assets can take time. Give yourself a realistic timeframe, so you have clarity on your needs and confidence that you can cover costs during the waiting period. Family law finance can help you cover professional fees until you reach a settlement, which takes some of the financial pressure off during this time.

Create a new financial roadmap

Fear of the unknown is a significant source of stress. Work with a knowledgeable professional to map your financial future and alleviate money-related fears. A financial advisor can help you with long-term investments and goals, and a financial coach can help if you struggle to manage bills and debt.

Addressing your financial situation early on can positively impact your mental and physical health. Seek guidance from professionals specialising in separation and divorce to help you navigate this challenging period.

By preparing your finances and engaging in open communication, you can minimise conflicts and ensure a smoother transition to your new life.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

How to separate and divorce well

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How to separate and divorce well

There might be no such thing as a happy separation. But the difference between separating well and fighting things out in court can be tens of thousands of dollars, not to mention the heavy emotional toll.

We chatted with Family Lawyers Anna Cruckshank and Kate O’Grady about separating well.

Here are five of their key tips for a good separation:

1. Focus on getting the communication right

Communication is the ‘number one element that drives whether a separation is dealt with in a sensible way that gets the best outcome for the parties or whether it goes off the rails,’ says Anna.

If communication isn’t a couple’s strong point, which is often the case, a Mediator or Lawyer might suggest using a counsellor or psychologist before going any further with a separation process.

2. Keep the fight out of it

We know this can be easier said than done. Emotions often run high and hot during separation. But going into a separation with an adversarial mindset simply isn’t in anyone’s best interest, including yours. It will make reaching a separation outcome more expensive and protracted.

Often people ‘don’t have a lot of money in the pool to be arguing, and to be arguing and spending it on legal fees is not in the best interests of either of them or their family’, says Anna.

This is why all of the professionals in our network are committed to de-escalation and Court as a last resort.

3. Know that your friends and family might be escalating things (from a place of love)

While a separation is ultimately between two people, we often see it’s friends or family pushing people to fight their ex-partner, says Kate, or encouraging unrealistic expectations of what they might receive in a settlement:. ‘You know, “she cheated” or “he cheated, so you should go for everything”’.

Mediators and Lawyers play a key role here to help ‘separate people from those myths and from the external pressures…to try and get them to focus on a realistic approach to it.’

4. See Court as a last resort option

Some Lawyers will file an application for separation with the Court as the first action. The legal professionals in our network believe that every other option should be exhausted first. Once a matter is in court, a Judge’s order will define how the separation works. This takes all control away from the separating couple.

‘The Judge doesn’t know you and your family, the Judge doesn’t know the intricacies of the way that your family works, your routine, even in the way that your Lawyer does,’ says Kate. ‘Often parties end up with orders that are completely unworkable.’

When parties can come to an agreement themselves, says Anna, ‘I feel that they walk away with a bit more acceptance of the outcome.’

5. Be honest

When you’re worried about what a separation outcome might be, it can be tempting to withhold information. That will always backfire, says Kate. ‘If you try and hide assets, if you try and hide money or if you try and cover up things that have happened with the kids, it will come out eventually, and it will impact your credibility.’

It also draws the matter out, adds to the cost and ‘will create a level of mistrust that makes it hard for the other person to then engage in the negotiation’.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

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Our 5-minute Q&A explains the information you need to know to save time, money and stress.

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Separation advice soars during lockdown | The Sydney Morning Herald

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Separation advice soars during lockdown | The Sydney Morning Herald

Mediator and Barrister Jack Whelan spoke with The Sydney Morning Herald about the impacts the COVID-19 pandemic is having on relationships.

Statistics from our online interactive guide to separation show a 314% increase in couples thinking about separating during lockdown.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports:

The number of couples seeking separation advice has spiked as lockdown is wound back, with almost half of surveyed Australians experiencing negative change to their relationship during isolation.

Relationships Australia reported 42% of respondents to a May survey said isolation had negatively impacted their partner relationship, and a national mediation service said numbers of people thinking about separating were up more than 300%.

‘My sense is that there has been a lot of reflection and a lot of discussion during isolation,’ says Whelan on the massive spike we’re now seeing for Mediation.

Read the full article on The Sydney Morning Herald.

Disclaimer
The information in our resources is general only. Consider getting in touch with a professional adviser if you need support with your legal, financial or wellbeing needs.

Separating or divorcing during COVID-19 | Channel 7 News Feature

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What is conscious uncoupling?

What is conscious uncoupling?

Find the right support professionals to guide you through your separation

Is conscious uncoupling an easier way to end a relationship?

Who can help us consciously uncouple?

Key takeaways

How to help someone going through a separation

Share The Separation Guide Q&A

Be there for them and listen

Offer empathy

Offer perspective

Show your support

Don’t offer uneducated advice

Provide practical help

Key takeaways

Help your friend get the professional support and advice they need

Blogs

Why should I use The Separation Guide's Q&A?

Who’s who in your separation crew?

How do I communicate with my partner during a separation or divorce?

How can I have a peaceful separation?

1. Deal with emotions first

2. Practice radical acceptance

3. Avoid speaking poorly about your former partner

4. Put the children first, always

5. Deal with losses of mutual friendships maturely

6. See if Guided Separation might be right for you

Key takeaways

How might a divorce impact grandparents?

What is a good divorce — and how do you have one?

So how can people have a better separation — and avoid getting caught in the escalation cycle?

Blogs

What is a good divorce — and how do you have one?

How do I communicate with my partner during a separation or divorce?

What is mediation?

How do I communicate with my partner during a separation or divorce?

Have a plan for how the issue of separation or divorce is raised.

If you have children, put their interests first.

Meet in public places.

Try to keep an open mind.

Be willing to hear ‘no.’

Think before you respond.

Look after yourself.

Find someone to communicate for you.

Key takeaways

Start the Q&A

Divorce surge during COVID-19 | Channel 9 News

Start the Q&A

Preparing your finances for separation

When you need help from financial professionals

Open up about money

Develop your financial literacy

Understand your new goals and your partner’s goals

Take the 3-minute Q&A

Get a clear picture of your finances

Choose your priorities

Decide how to handle assets

Plan realistic timeframes

Create a new financial roadmap

Related resources

How to separate and divorce well

Here are five of their key tips for a good separation:

1. Focus on getting the communication right

2. Keep the fight out of it

3. Know that your friends and family might be escalating things (from a place of love)

4. See Court as a last resort option

5. Be honest

Where to begin?

Related resources

Separation advice soars during lockdown | The Sydney Morning Herald

Related resources